FMA: Control

[bard_linn]

Title: Control
Summary: Al's thoughts on Edward.
Note: Old fic of mine that was posted at ff.net (I'm in the process of pulling the good ones and editing them). I still like it to an extent. Inspired by the image of Al holding Ed back, which happens a lot in fanfiction.
PG, Gen. During series.



Control

They compliment me on my control.

They think its praise. In fact to many it probably would be. Keeping my brother contained isn’t easy after all. But they don’t understand what that control cost so they can’t understand how much it hurts to hear that.

When we were young brother and I did everything together. I followed him without question. The only thing we ever argued about was our father. My brother was my guiding light, probably because Father was never there. They don’t know Ed wasn’t always like this. Oh, he was always driven but he used to stop and enjoy things. He became more determined and focused after Mother died and he wanted to revive her but it still wasn’t on this level. It was only after he promised to restore my body that he became so utterly obsessed to the point he often disregarded his own health.

And I’m the only one he listens to.

It’s not because he loves me. (Though he does. So much that it makes my nonexistent heart ache. If he didn’t then I would no longer exist. He lost his arm for me. How many siblings would sacrifice that much?) It’s not even because he’s my brother.

It’s because of guilt.

When he first got his automail he drove himself so hard that he almost seriously injured himself several times. He wouldn’t listen to Aunt Pinako and Winry but he would listen to me. I’d ask him softly and he would immediately stop with this terrible look in his eyes. He feels like he can do so little for me these days. He can’t make me something to eat, he can’t hold me when I have a nightmare and he can’t ruffle my hair in that older brother fashion that used to make me feel as if the world was a perfect place.

These days it’s even worse. Ed works himself so hard that it would kill someone less. He forces himself to go days straight rarely eating right or sleeping enough. I do what I can to make sure he stays healthy and sane. He is our drive and strength; I am our conscience and restraint. Is it such a surprise we make a good team? We are two damaged souls but make a complete person together.

Still, as I hold Brother back yet again from attacking the Colonel, I look forward to the day when I don’t have to restrain him with metal arms. Instead I’ll watch as Ed stands proud on the two legs he was born with and regains everything he lost.

Sometimes, it’s only that image that keeps me going.

Comments

[haicrescendo.livejournal.com]

Awww.. *hugs Ed and Al* That's so sweet. Hardly anyone ever does Al POVs, which is kind of sad, because he's one of my favorite characters. I just don't do them because I'm afraid I won't get his character right.

[bard-linn.livejournal.com]

I've never really cared for Al that much I'm afraid, but every once and a while an Al bunny beats me over the head and won't let me go until I write it. ^^

[dragontrap.livejournal.com]

Awwww.... That is actually really sweet Linn...

[bard-linn.livejournal.com]

Thank you. ^^

What do you mean ACTUALLY? Am I incapable of being sweet?/joking.

[dragontrap.livejournal.com]

XP *sends her rat over to be a peace offering* X3

[bard-linn.livejournal.com]

*sacrifices rat to Gate for happy ending to FMA movie*

[dragontrap.livejournal.com]

GAH!! O.O Millik!! *pouts* You killed my rat *sniffles*

[bard-linn.livejournal.com]

Fine fine. *gives rat back*

[dragontrap.livejournal.com]

Demo... She's dead though... ;_; What am I gonna do with a dead rat?

[bard-linn.livejournal.com]

*has Goddess!Ed bring her back to life*

[dragontrap.livejournal.com]

Awww YAY! *hugs Linn*

[acdragonmaster.livejournal.com]

*blinks* Wow. That just... hurt. Could really feel for Al reading that. Al needs a hug, too, except that he couldn't feel it... ;_;

[bard-linn.livejournal.com]

Er, um, oops? ^^; Here. *gives you restored Al to give a hug*

[acdragonmaster.livejournal.com]

*glomps Al, and gives Ed a hug too for good measure* ^_^

[bard-linn.livejournal.com]

Al: *blushes* Thank you Ms. Acdragonmaster!

Ed: Hey, let me go! *struggles* I'm not a teady bear!

[sky-dark.livejournal.com]

Very nice, it's wonderful Al introspective.

[bard-linn.livejournal.com]

Thank you! Glad you enjoyed. ^^

[devils-devotion.livejournal.com]

And it's so POIGNANT! *gets all emotional* I actually feel bad for laughing at the Harry Potter wtf_inc post while reading this.

[bard-linn.livejournal.com]

It is? o_O

*snicker* Nah, I laugh too. And make fun of both fandoms while I'm at it (http://www.livejournal.com/users/bard_linn/77196.html#cutid1)

[qem_chibati]

Wow, really touching, wonderful look into Al's mind.

[bard-linn.livejournal.com]

Thank you! ^_^ Glad you enjoyed.

[stickmarionette.livejournal.com]

He is our drive and strength; I am our conscience and restraint.

So perfect, and so's the rest - you did a great job of exploring their relationship. ^_^

[bard-linn.livejournal.com]

Thanks! I'm glad the dynamics came off well.

[tir-synni.livejournal.com]

*mewls* This was a painful but enjoyable read. Excellent take on the dynamics between the brothers.

[bard-linn.livejournal.com]

Thanks! I didn't realize it would be painful (really, I don't get it) but I'm glad it worked. : )

[wayya.livejournal.com]

It’s extremely well written. Seriously. You can almost *touch* the feelings.

And it’s even greater because you did it with Al’s POV. The anime mostly focuses on Al/Ed relationship with Ed’s POV, and Ed’s guilt, but Al must suffer from his guilt too, in a certain way. Except Ed may not be aware of that. Ed is a little clueless when it’s about feelings.

I’m not sure I managed to say what I wanted to say. T_T
I. Must. Translate. Now. *switches to translator-freak mode*

[bard-linn.livejournal.com]

I'm really glad how well this one came off. It was written a while ago, but people still like it a lot. And I love your response. It was wonderful. ^^

BTW, when I get a chance, is it okay if I link your translations to the archive? :3

[wayya.livejournal.com]

It's your fics so you can do absolutely what you want with the translations (actually, I would be very glad if you do that ^_^)
Happy to see you survived to your exams! And thanks for the compliment ^^ (now you're going to be overwhelmed by comments if you keep encouraging me)

[bard-linn.livejournal.com]

I will link then. ;) Almost all done. I've got one left.

*ENCOURAGES* I love comments. I'm something of an anti-lurker. XD;;

[dreamer1789.livejournal.com]

*Melts* Lovely. :)
"He wouldn’t listen to Aunt Pinako and Winry but he would listen to me. I’d ask him softly and he would immediately stop with this terrible look in his eyes." -> I could so 'see' a close-up shot of *that* look. Man, it's a shame this (or any of your other fma fics -as far as I'm aware of) doesn't have a fanart pic to go with it.

THE best line has got to be: "We are two damaged souls but make a complete person together."
lol, you have a thing for using strong lines at the end of your fics, don't you? ;)

[bard-linn.livejournal.com]

I think there is ONE but its over at houseofsmex. And the stuff I wrote for alter_series, but other than that, no. :( Alas, I can't draw!

Yes. Because I suck at endings! XD *ducks head sheepishly*