A!S, HoS, R!S: Too Many Cooks
May. 17th, 2005 02:42 pm![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png){kind=small}
bard_linnBy ![[livejournal.com profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/external/lj-userinfo.gif)
bard_linn and hime1999
Title: Too Many Cooks
Archive: Main, humor.
Summary: Cheryll was not impressed.
Too Many Cooks
Cheryll was not impressed. Amused, yes, but not impressed. At all. Who knew that her counterparts could be totally useless when it came to domestic chores?
The three flame alchemists and the two Japanese men had assembled in the kitchen. The elder Masuta was looking more than a little nervous. He turned to his oldest lover. "We shouldn't be here. You know what Edward said would happen if we destroyed the kitchen again."
Roy attempted to look cool, but his own nervousness was visible. "Ichiro, he wouldn't actually DO it."
The other Roy actually looked amused. "Fullmetal? Upset over kitchen accident instead of orchestrating one?"
At the two lovers' confused looks, the other Masuta sighed and supplied helpfully. "Our Mr. Elric likes to deliberately set us up for cooking duties."
"I suspect," Roy sighed, "It has something to do with having to constantly rebuild afterward. This IS Ed's house after all."
As the other Roy frowned at the implication that his Edward had done so because they had lived in HIS house (which was most likely the case), Cheryll sighed and said, "Regardless, gentlemen, we still have a dinner to cook. Shall we forget for a while that I am practically the only one useful here and go on with the show?"
"In that case," Roy bowed, "I suggest you lead us fair lady, as we will undoubtedly only get entangled otherwise."
Masuta glared at his lover. "You best hope Riza doesn't hear that."
The other Roy had already donned an apron. "So what do we make?"
"Well, we have ingredients for salad, there's also some good bread. There's pasta in the pantry...." Masuta continued to list the food items in the household.
Cheryll turned to the Masutas. "...I trust you two can make salad and dressing?"
The two looked at each other before turning back to their female counterpart, one of them saying, "As long as you have no problem with its appearance..."
Cheryll turned to the Roys. "And we are going to make pasta with meatball sauce. You," she told the elder Roy, "can make the meatballs while you," she turned to the other, "can help me with the sauce."
"I suppose we should get our materials," one of the Masutas said to the other. His counterpart nodded. The near identical pair quickly gathered lettuce, tomato and cucumber. "Do you think we should add onion as well?"
The other looked at the onions Cheryll were taking out for the sauce. And smirked. A few moments later, the younger Roy found himself cutting all of the onions, including the ones for the salad, grumbling on the unfairness of it.
Cheryll watched, amused as the man's eyes started to water. "I would never have thought that an onion would be the one to finally make Brigadier General Roy Mustang cry." A watery glare from the man was all she got in reply.
Meanwhile, the eldest of the group was attempting to make meatballs. Attempting being the key word. Mixing the milk, salk and pepper hadn't been difficult. Nor had been adding the garlic powder and parsley flakes.
Maybe this wouldn't be hard after all, Roy thought cheerfully, adding the mixture to the meat and bread crumbs. He looked at the next step in the directions. Mix with hands?!
No. Way. In. Hell.
Cheryll noticed Roy glaring at his bowl and raised an eyebrow. "What's wrong, General?"
"It says you are supposed to combine the ingredients using your hands," Roy's face twisted into a look of disgust.
The eyebrow rose higher. "And your problem is?"
"I am NOT putting my hands in that mess."
Cheryll was definitely not impressed. "I see," she said, sighing. "I guess you are not man enough to get your hand dirty. I shall ask for Mr. Masuta's help, then."
Roy stiffened. "Fine." Off went the gloves, in went the hands. He'd be damned before allowing Ichiro to better him at something.
Again.
Cheryll's eyebrow twitched in amusement. Men.
Back with the Masutas, a head of lettuce was quickly becoming more than a little ragged.
"I am reasonably certain that you don't have to make the pieces that small," one Masuta looked up from his own work, slicing the cucumber.
The other looked up from his lettuce, replying in their native tongue. "And I am reasonably certain that the same can be said toward your own work, Masuta-san."
"It is perfectly acceptable to slice cucumbers thinly, Masuta-kun," the other replied with a faint smirk, easily switching to Japanese as well. Of course his argument might have held up better if all the pieces were the same width.
As if reading his mind, the other Masuta replied, complete with the faint smirk. "At least mine do have consistency in size. I guess one can't help getting more and more careless with time."
The pair locked eyes. Clearly Thomas should have given them lessons on how one uses a knife.
Cheryll stared at the Masutas. Although she didn't understand what they were saying at all, she recognized a snarking contest when she saw it. However, she chose to say nothing. As long as the work was done....
The eldest flame alchemist paused in his kneading of the mess to look over at the pair. He couldn't quite make out what they were saying, only able to catch every other word or so. He should have forced Masuta to continue their lessons instead of getting distracted.
Okay, it had been a very pleasant distraction, but still...
Meanwhile, in the background, the younger Roy was too busy cutting the onions, pricking his fingers and crying to notice anything. Well into her chores of opening the cans of tomato soup and cutting the tomatoes, Cheryll glanced at him. Nope, he was not done with the onions. Her brow twitched again, this time in annoyance. She would have to start on the pasta instead.
Roy turned his attention from the Japanese men to stare at the mess in the bowl in front of him. It looked pretty mixed. He started to roll the stuff into ball shapes.
Breaking the staring contest, Masuta looked over at his lover's completed projects. "Those don't appear to be circular. More rectangular."
Roy glared and pointed with his right hand. "They ARE circles! Balls!"
"Not quite rectangular. Pyramids?"
The other Masuta quipped in. "Cones? Or maybe cylinders? Either way they don't match their names."
Roy glared. "Would you like to try?" He held out the bowl.
The two Masutas held their hands up at the proffered dish. "We're busy with our own chores, aren't we, Masuta-san?"
"Indeed," Masuta replied. He made another cut on the cucumber. "Make sure to wash that off before - Ouch!"
Cheryll resisted the urge to roll her eyes and went to get the first aid kit.
Roy dropped the meatball mix and rushed to his lover's side. "Are you alright? Here, let's wash this off."
"Should've been cutting the tomato," Masuta mumbled.
Roy glared. "You SHOULD have been watching what you were doing."
"I suppose..."
Roy carefully washed his hands, then cleaned the cut on Masuta's hand. "There. Colonel?"
"Right here, General," Cheryll put the kit next to the man. "Be careful next time, Mr. Masuta."
Meanwhile, in the background, the other Roy cursed as he pricked his finger again. Too bad nobody was paying attention to him.
Roy quickly bandaged his lover's hand and frowned. "You better not go back to cutting the vegetables with that. Why don't you set the table instead?"
Masuta nodded. He pulled out the necessary dishes and placed them next to the stove. He took a few plates with him and left the kitchen to clear the huge table of the books that had undoubtedly migrated there.
Roy turned back to his task and mentally swore. He'd have to get his hands dirty again.
Cheryll turned to the other Roy who FINALLY finished with the onions and took them from him. "Thank you for the effort, General. Now could you cut the bread for us, please?"
He gave her a dirty (yet still watery) look, but complied anyway.
The other Roy finished sculpting the meat mixture into mismatched shapes (they're balls! Spheres!) and pulled out the oil. After checking to make sure that it was indeed cooking oil (no need to repeat Masuta's mistake after all), he poured a generous amount into the pan. Roy placed the meat balls in the pan and went to get a spoon to turn them with. He sighed, looking longingly at his gloves. He wished he could do this quicker but he had learned his lesson the first time.
The younger Masuta finished the salad and took it to the dining room. He came back inside the kitchen just in time to see Roy moving a still-wet spoon toward the hot oil. He took a step back out into the dinning room and closed the door again.
SPLAT!
Roy jumped back as the oil came flying towards him. His skin burned where drops landed. He swore as the oil abruptly caught fire. (@.@ Oh dear, how did that happen? XD)
Cheryll left the onions she was sautéing and quickly swept Roy away from the fire while the other Roy grabbed his gloves and used their arrays to control the gas around the fire. After the fire subsided, they surrounded Roy and examined his burns. "It looks pretty bad," the other Roy commented.
Attracted by the commotion, both Masutas ran into the kitchen, the eldest still carrying a plate. "What happened?"
Cheryll gave Roy over to his lover. "Oil explosion. You might want to tend to-- SHIT!"
She had completely forgotten about the onions and was reminded of it as they suddenly caught on fire.
Both Masutas' heads snapped toward the fire and as one, they screamed. The plate dropped and shattered on the floor.
The other Roy extended his gloved hand, trying to extinguish the fire, but two panicking Masutas were not making his job any easier.
Soon the fire caught on the ingredients next to it.
Through the fog caused by the pain of his burns, Roy tried to push the Masutas back out of the kitchen until his counterpart could control the blaze. Absentmindedly he wondered if he would go deaf from standing next to the screaming pair.
Cheryll cursed as she remembered that she didn't have her gloves with her. She looked around, trying to find a way to extinguish the fire, when she noticed something that made her freeze. The glass dishes Masuta had taken out earlier and set on the cabinet next to the stove were reflecting the flames. Not surprising since the cabinet was currently on fire.
"General? I think it's time for us to retreat...."
The two had only started moving their feet when the first explosion started. Glass flying and ricocheted around them. They sprinted toward the door after the other three and closed it behind them.
No one talked for a while (unless the Masutas' screaming counted) as they listened to the sound of glass breaking and ricocheting, accompanied by the sound of fire.
"...So. What do we do now?" The other Roy asked.
Cheryll's eyebrow twitched. She was not impressed at all.
* * * * * * *
Ed found it amusing how red his counterpart could turn. The owner of the house had just came back from his library trip to find the fire fighters leaving their house. The house itself had lost its kitchen and it was now replaced by unidentifiable black room filled with soot. Of course, the man had guessed correctly on what had happened while he was gone and currently chewing the five suspects out.
"I hope your Roy and Masuta know to keep their mouths shut and just let Niisan rant," the older Alphonse said to his brother's alter. "Or else it will take twice as long."
"I'll head over to Mrs. Tetley's house and see if I can borrow her kitchen," Riza sighed.
"I'll come with you," Al volunteered.
"You're as bad as they are," Riza replied. "Stay here and keep your brother from exploding." The blonde left the house and headed over to their neighbor. With a little luck she'd be able to get dinner ready rather quickly, which should help calm Ed down.
And THEN the kitchen-destroyers could start rebuilding.
x-posted toworldcollision
bard_linn and hime1999 Title: Too Many Cooks
Archive: Main, humor.
Summary: Cheryll was not impressed.
Too Many Cooks
Cheryll was not impressed. Amused, yes, but not impressed. At all. Who knew that her counterparts could be totally useless when it came to domestic chores?
The three flame alchemists and the two Japanese men had assembled in the kitchen. The elder Masuta was looking more than a little nervous. He turned to his oldest lover. "We shouldn't be here. You know what Edward said would happen if we destroyed the kitchen again."
Roy attempted to look cool, but his own nervousness was visible. "Ichiro, he wouldn't actually DO it."
The other Roy actually looked amused. "Fullmetal? Upset over kitchen accident instead of orchestrating one?"
At the two lovers' confused looks, the other Masuta sighed and supplied helpfully. "Our Mr. Elric likes to deliberately set us up for cooking duties."
"I suspect," Roy sighed, "It has something to do with having to constantly rebuild afterward. This IS Ed's house after all."
As the other Roy frowned at the implication that his Edward had done so because they had lived in HIS house (which was most likely the case), Cheryll sighed and said, "Regardless, gentlemen, we still have a dinner to cook. Shall we forget for a while that I am practically the only one useful here and go on with the show?"
"In that case," Roy bowed, "I suggest you lead us fair lady, as we will undoubtedly only get entangled otherwise."
Masuta glared at his lover. "You best hope Riza doesn't hear that."
The other Roy had already donned an apron. "So what do we make?"
"Well, we have ingredients for salad, there's also some good bread. There's pasta in the pantry...." Masuta continued to list the food items in the household.
Cheryll turned to the Masutas. "...I trust you two can make salad and dressing?"
The two looked at each other before turning back to their female counterpart, one of them saying, "As long as you have no problem with its appearance..."
Cheryll turned to the Roys. "And we are going to make pasta with meatball sauce. You," she told the elder Roy, "can make the meatballs while you," she turned to the other, "can help me with the sauce."
"I suppose we should get our materials," one of the Masutas said to the other. His counterpart nodded. The near identical pair quickly gathered lettuce, tomato and cucumber. "Do you think we should add onion as well?"
The other looked at the onions Cheryll were taking out for the sauce. And smirked. A few moments later, the younger Roy found himself cutting all of the onions, including the ones for the salad, grumbling on the unfairness of it.
Cheryll watched, amused as the man's eyes started to water. "I would never have thought that an onion would be the one to finally make Brigadier General Roy Mustang cry." A watery glare from the man was all she got in reply.
Meanwhile, the eldest of the group was attempting to make meatballs. Attempting being the key word. Mixing the milk, salk and pepper hadn't been difficult. Nor had been adding the garlic powder and parsley flakes.
Maybe this wouldn't be hard after all, Roy thought cheerfully, adding the mixture to the meat and bread crumbs. He looked at the next step in the directions. Mix with hands?!
No. Way. In. Hell.
Cheryll noticed Roy glaring at his bowl and raised an eyebrow. "What's wrong, General?"
"It says you are supposed to combine the ingredients using your hands," Roy's face twisted into a look of disgust.
The eyebrow rose higher. "And your problem is?"
"I am NOT putting my hands in that mess."
Cheryll was definitely not impressed. "I see," she said, sighing. "I guess you are not man enough to get your hand dirty. I shall ask for Mr. Masuta's help, then."
Roy stiffened. "Fine." Off went the gloves, in went the hands. He'd be damned before allowing Ichiro to better him at something.
Again.
Cheryll's eyebrow twitched in amusement. Men.
Back with the Masutas, a head of lettuce was quickly becoming more than a little ragged.
"I am reasonably certain that you don't have to make the pieces that small," one Masuta looked up from his own work, slicing the cucumber.
The other looked up from his lettuce, replying in their native tongue. "And I am reasonably certain that the same can be said toward your own work, Masuta-san."
"It is perfectly acceptable to slice cucumbers thinly, Masuta-kun," the other replied with a faint smirk, easily switching to Japanese as well. Of course his argument might have held up better if all the pieces were the same width.
As if reading his mind, the other Masuta replied, complete with the faint smirk. "At least mine do have consistency in size. I guess one can't help getting more and more careless with time."
The pair locked eyes. Clearly Thomas should have given them lessons on how one uses a knife.
Cheryll stared at the Masutas. Although she didn't understand what they were saying at all, she recognized a snarking contest when she saw it. However, she chose to say nothing. As long as the work was done....
The eldest flame alchemist paused in his kneading of the mess to look over at the pair. He couldn't quite make out what they were saying, only able to catch every other word or so. He should have forced Masuta to continue their lessons instead of getting distracted.
Okay, it had been a very pleasant distraction, but still...
Meanwhile, in the background, the younger Roy was too busy cutting the onions, pricking his fingers and crying to notice anything. Well into her chores of opening the cans of tomato soup and cutting the tomatoes, Cheryll glanced at him. Nope, he was not done with the onions. Her brow twitched again, this time in annoyance. She would have to start on the pasta instead.
Roy turned his attention from the Japanese men to stare at the mess in the bowl in front of him. It looked pretty mixed. He started to roll the stuff into ball shapes.
Breaking the staring contest, Masuta looked over at his lover's completed projects. "Those don't appear to be circular. More rectangular."
Roy glared and pointed with his right hand. "They ARE circles! Balls!"
"Not quite rectangular. Pyramids?"
The other Masuta quipped in. "Cones? Or maybe cylinders? Either way they don't match their names."
Roy glared. "Would you like to try?" He held out the bowl.
The two Masutas held their hands up at the proffered dish. "We're busy with our own chores, aren't we, Masuta-san?"
"Indeed," Masuta replied. He made another cut on the cucumber. "Make sure to wash that off before - Ouch!"
Cheryll resisted the urge to roll her eyes and went to get the first aid kit.
Roy dropped the meatball mix and rushed to his lover's side. "Are you alright? Here, let's wash this off."
"Should've been cutting the tomato," Masuta mumbled.
Roy glared. "You SHOULD have been watching what you were doing."
"I suppose..."
Roy carefully washed his hands, then cleaned the cut on Masuta's hand. "There. Colonel?"
"Right here, General," Cheryll put the kit next to the man. "Be careful next time, Mr. Masuta."
Meanwhile, in the background, the other Roy cursed as he pricked his finger again. Too bad nobody was paying attention to him.
Roy quickly bandaged his lover's hand and frowned. "You better not go back to cutting the vegetables with that. Why don't you set the table instead?"
Masuta nodded. He pulled out the necessary dishes and placed them next to the stove. He took a few plates with him and left the kitchen to clear the huge table of the books that had undoubtedly migrated there.
Roy turned back to his task and mentally swore. He'd have to get his hands dirty again.
Cheryll turned to the other Roy who FINALLY finished with the onions and took them from him. "Thank you for the effort, General. Now could you cut the bread for us, please?"
He gave her a dirty (yet still watery) look, but complied anyway.
The other Roy finished sculpting the meat mixture into mismatched shapes (they're balls! Spheres!) and pulled out the oil. After checking to make sure that it was indeed cooking oil (no need to repeat Masuta's mistake after all), he poured a generous amount into the pan. Roy placed the meat balls in the pan and went to get a spoon to turn them with. He sighed, looking longingly at his gloves. He wished he could do this quicker but he had learned his lesson the first time.
The younger Masuta finished the salad and took it to the dining room. He came back inside the kitchen just in time to see Roy moving a still-wet spoon toward the hot oil. He took a step back out into the dinning room and closed the door again.
SPLAT!
Roy jumped back as the oil came flying towards him. His skin burned where drops landed. He swore as the oil abruptly caught fire. (@.@ Oh dear, how did that happen? XD)
Cheryll left the onions she was sautéing and quickly swept Roy away from the fire while the other Roy grabbed his gloves and used their arrays to control the gas around the fire. After the fire subsided, they surrounded Roy and examined his burns. "It looks pretty bad," the other Roy commented.
Attracted by the commotion, both Masutas ran into the kitchen, the eldest still carrying a plate. "What happened?"
Cheryll gave Roy over to his lover. "Oil explosion. You might want to tend to-- SHIT!"
She had completely forgotten about the onions and was reminded of it as they suddenly caught on fire.
Both Masutas' heads snapped toward the fire and as one, they screamed. The plate dropped and shattered on the floor.
The other Roy extended his gloved hand, trying to extinguish the fire, but two panicking Masutas were not making his job any easier.
Soon the fire caught on the ingredients next to it.
Through the fog caused by the pain of his burns, Roy tried to push the Masutas back out of the kitchen until his counterpart could control the blaze. Absentmindedly he wondered if he would go deaf from standing next to the screaming pair.
Cheryll cursed as she remembered that she didn't have her gloves with her. She looked around, trying to find a way to extinguish the fire, when she noticed something that made her freeze. The glass dishes Masuta had taken out earlier and set on the cabinet next to the stove were reflecting the flames. Not surprising since the cabinet was currently on fire.
"General? I think it's time for us to retreat...."
The two had only started moving their feet when the first explosion started. Glass flying and ricocheted around them. They sprinted toward the door after the other three and closed it behind them.
No one talked for a while (unless the Masutas' screaming counted) as they listened to the sound of glass breaking and ricocheting, accompanied by the sound of fire.
"...So. What do we do now?" The other Roy asked.
Cheryll's eyebrow twitched. She was not impressed at all.
* * * * * * *
Ed found it amusing how red his counterpart could turn. The owner of the house had just came back from his library trip to find the fire fighters leaving their house. The house itself had lost its kitchen and it was now replaced by unidentifiable black room filled with soot. Of course, the man had guessed correctly on what had happened while he was gone and currently chewing the five suspects out.
"I hope your Roy and Masuta know to keep their mouths shut and just let Niisan rant," the older Alphonse said to his brother's alter. "Or else it will take twice as long."
"I'll head over to Mrs. Tetley's house and see if I can borrow her kitchen," Riza sighed.
"I'll come with you," Al volunteered.
"You're as bad as they are," Riza replied. "Stay here and keep your brother from exploding." The blonde left the house and headed over to their neighbor. With a little luck she'd be able to get dinner ready rather quickly, which should help calm Ed down.
And THEN the kitchen-destroyers could start rebuilding.
x-posted to
worldcollision
