(no subject)

[bard_linn]

Sometimes my brain almost scares me. Almost, mind.


The Scene: Square’s offices. They have just finished outlining the plot for FINAL FANTASY VII. Enter CLOUD.

Cloud: This script completely sucks. I’m such a wimp and the characters totally need to be flushed out more. Anything could be better!

Square Executives: Oh really. Are you sure about that?

Cloud: Yes!

Ominous music plays. The screen darkens. When there is light again, we are underneath THE PLATE OF MIDGAR. CLOUD is dead center, in his ShinRa Trooper outfit, stupid helmet tucked under his arm.

Cloud: Still weak and wimpy here….

There is a flash of multicolored light. The ULTIMATE WEAPON appears; however, it appears to be slightly different, as it has been bedecked in ribbons and lace

Female!Dressed-up!Ultimate Weapon: Hearken Mortal, for you have been chosen to receive Gaia’s gracious gift! She gives to you power, strength, magic and will to complete this task: You shall seek out the rightful ruler of this planet, Gaia’s youngest descendent and replace the Princess upon this throne. If you succeed in this endeavor, you shall become the Princess’ Royal Guard Captain and the Champion of the Planet. Take this bangle, and become one with the Planet’s will.

A gold armlet containing one blue materia appears on CLOUD'S arm. The materia flares and a multicolored light show plays and ends to reveal CLOUD dressed in a skin-tight version of the SOLDIER uniform in a blue that matches the color of her – it is painfully obvious from the form hugging material that the change was more than costume based - eyes, accented with artistically placed gold plate, gold braid and sapphires. A gold headdress set with sapphires completes the outfit, matching the gold and sapphire version of the Buster Sword in her hands.

F!D!U W: To invoke this transformation yourself, simply activate the materia and cry “In Gaia’s name, power come to me, CHAMPION OF THE PLANET!” Fare thee well, dear child of her will.

Female!Dressed-up!Ultimate Weapon vanishes in a puff of smoke.

Transformed!Female!Cloud: OH HELL NO. Tell me how to get out of this!

Female!Dressed-up!Ultimate Weapon’s voice from a distance: Simply dance around in a circle three times and the power will return to the planet.

T!F!C: NO. WAY. Waits for some time, and becomes aware of leering eyes from under the plate. What the hell. Transformed!Female!Cloud clumsily dances in the circle and the outfit vanishes, revealing the ShinRa trooper uniform only…

Cloud: ….I’M STILL A GIRL. AAAAAAAAH.


I actually have more ideas for this. *ashamed*

.
..
...
.....
......Would anyone else want to see it our should I go back under my rock?

Comments

[rain-of-mind.livejournal.com]

Currently, my brain is bleeding out through my ears.

But I'm amused to death by this. XDDDD CRAAAAAACK!

[bard-linn.livejournal.com]

There is never enough crack!

[tir-synni.livejournal.com]

Audience. Must. Stop. Laughing.

...

*fails miserably*

[tir-synni.livejournal.com]

Too late. I'm done laughing, and everyone's still looking at me like I'm insane.

[bard-linn.livejournal.com]

*whistles innocently*

[lanerose]

...I think you just broke my brain.

[bard-linn.livejournal.com]

I haven't gotten to do that in a long time! >D

[jade-pen.livejournal.com]

My brain breaks from the sheer insanity of the crack, but I'm a masochist if nothing else. If you've more ideas, by all means, I'll take a look. :)

[bard-linn.livejournal.com]

Well, that's one vote. ^_^ Thanks, Jade.

[akuma-no-kage.livejournal.com]

*Dies happily from crack overdose*

[bard-linn.livejournal.com]

*rustles up phoneix downs*

[wayya.livejournal.com]

It burned my eyes and my brain with the light of a thousand Mary-Sues' smiles. But actually, I would be curious to see what you can do next with this crack, and if it will be as funny as this :) *likes when Linn is on crack*

[bard-linn.livejournal.com]

"thousand Mary-Sues' smiles" Gotta remember that one.

Oh, I might come up with SOMETHING....>D