*emo emo emo*

[bard_linn]

I am feeling very, very frustrated.

Geometry is kicking my butt. I’m going to need to recopy all of my notes again tomorrow to try and figure out what the heck is going on. I am very annoyed we have to do all of this higher math material. While I understand the theory behind it, more practice getting kids to behave would be more helpful. So would more practice in what we’re actually supposed to teach. Especially since we’re supposed to do it in an entirely different way from how we learned it.

If I ever see anyone who says “those who can’t, teach” or any variation upon that I’m going to smack them. HARD.

No Child Left Behind has made teacher preparation incredibly hard. We have a ton of stuff we’re supposed to know. The worst part is most of it is BS in the end. I can read all of this stuff in books, but I don’t know how to apply it. I don’t care if you know this-and-that theory, or this personality type; How do you use them? What about the basics? We haven’t had one course on behavior management, which would be a heck of a lot more useful! My parents are trying to help, but they give me more books to read, more work to do when I really don’t need it.

I’m not sure if I can do this.

I’m sure I can teach. I managed to teach a group of bouncy elementary children while recovering from Mono. I’m sure I can teach; some of my students have improved a lot in math.

What I’m not sure is if I can dance through the steps and jump through the hoops that I will have to do to get my certification and a job. The paperwork, the interviews, the observations….

If I can’t teach, I. Have. Nothing. Left.

I’ve wanted to be a teacher for as long as I can recall. That has been one of the few constants in my life. And now, two years of education under my belt I’m not sure if I can do it. And what do I do? I can’t change majors. The only thing I might be able to do would go pure math and that would drive me absolutely insane. I’m not really a mathematician.

I do not do well with uncertainty. It is perhaps one of my greatest flaws. As long as I have a road to follow I’m okay, but I do not take many risks. I like to travel the path well worn and safe. Now I’m wondering if I missed where I was supposed to go along the way.

Damn it, why couldn’t I have gone through this in high school like everyone else?



In other news, I’m pretty sure my prescription has changed as I can no longer see across the room. I’m going to need to get new lenses – I was just there in OCTOBER for heaven’s sake – and that means more time out of my schedule. Not to mention insurance won’t pay for the visit. *sigh*