a Roy raised his wine glass to hip sips.

a Roy raised his wine glass to his lips.

He carefully held a rolled up scroll in his hands.

Maybe ' He held a carefully rolled up scroll in his hands.' might be better.

I though She wasn’t going to give us one,

'thought'

and with a sparkle of gold special effects turned into six year old version of themselves.

and with a sparkle of gold special effects, turned into six year old versions of themselves.

Compression dawned.

Comprehension dawned.

“We’ll get the TI sins,” Cheryll snagged Hoju

“We’ll get the TI sins.” Cheryll snagged Hoju

Should be a full stop since the sentence isn't continued

future community members and all other who

future community members and all others who

also known as When World Collide

also known as When Worlds Collide

“That doesn’t sound so bad,”

“That doesn’t sound so bad.”

Again, doesn't need a comma.

Silence reighned. “But that’s IMPOSSIBLE!” Someone finally shouted.

Silence reigned. “But that’s IMPOSSIBLE!” someone finally shouted.

who would think that he would ever do THAT with MUSTANG of all people…

who would think that he would ever do THAT with MUSTANG of all people?

Ed snatched the book from his sons

Ed snatched the book from his son's