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Entry tags:
In The Valley
Authors: Bard Linn and Kiraya
Genre: General/Drama
Pairings: ZackxSeph, OCxOC, Assorted Past
Rating: PG-13
Summary: "All he could do was hope it would end." Butterfly effect sidestory/interlude. Cloud's time in Hojo's care.
Disclaimer: Final Fantasy VII and all associated characters and symbols are the exclusive property of Square Enix and its associates. We’re just borrowing them for a while.
—dammit, he wasn’t even close—
Time slowed down.
They say that the in the face of a near-death experience one gains an entirely new perspective, that the adrenaline of such a situation allows for action and reaction faster than that which is normally humanly possible, even for a SOLDIER. For Cloud, his situation was outlined in perfect clarity within seconds:
One: He was falling towards the sea. There was no way, short of suddenly learning to fly, that he was going to be able to avoid hitting the water.
Two: The area around these cliffs had particularly dangerous rip tides. Zack had mentioned a boastful young boy he’d grown up with who was convinced he was the best swimmer in the world. He had indeed been very talented, but he’d still died trying to navigate these waters. Zack was quite a swimmer himself, but hadn’t made the same mistake — and hadn’t even seemed that eager to try it now with a SOLDIER’s edge. Considering Zack’s impulsive nature when it came to feats of daring-do, this spoke volumes about how dangerous this area was.
Three: Cloud couldn’t swim worth a damn.
Cloud dropped Shiranui and used his knife to slice through the straps of his armor. He might’ve had a chance, given his SOLDIER enhancements, but for the best outcome he couldn’t be weighed down. Off went his bangle and the materia it held, and his other weapons. He could regret it later, and hope they might somehow retrieve them. For now, he had to survive.
Despite his being prepared for it, the shock of hitting the water stunned Cloud for several precious seconds… during which something sinuous wrapped around his waist. What the…? He looked down to see a mottled tentacle which lifted him out of the water and reeled him into… a sleek-looking submarine?
Cloud tensed to attack the moment he was inside — but abruptly went limp, shoved to the back of his mind by a presence he didn’t recognize, but which could only be one thing. Jenova! He focused all of his energy on pushing it out of his mind, but pain erupted as she struck back. Have to do something… can’t let it end like this!
“Just keep him still,” came a voice as Hojo — how could he be in two places at once? — released his grip on Cloud, dropping him onto what seemed to be an examination table. “I can handle the rest.” Cloud could only watch in horror, trying to ignore the presence in his mind, as the scientist briskly stripped and bound him. Without another word, he opened a compartment containing two large Mako tubes, extracting a body from one of them with his new appendages.
Cloud stared into his own face, watching his double breathe. For one awful moment he thought it would open its eyes. It wasn’t like what he imagined looking into the face of sibling, or even a twin, would be; there was something terribly wrong with it, something that induced a sick feeling in his stomach. Horrified realization dawned as Hojo dressed the body in his clothing, taking care to place the dog-tags correctly. He’s going to dump that thing (a clone?) and everyone will think I’m dead!
How many other clones did Hojo have, waiting for kidnapping opportunities so he could throw pursuers off his trail? From this awkward angle he could tell there was something in the other tank, but not what it was. At least one more, then, probably, but who could it be? Sephiroth? Maybe, but Cloud somehow doubted it. Maybe Vincent, or Zack?
Hojo stepped away for a moment, returning with a hypodermic needle. Cloud resumed his attempts to struggle, and managed to flail a little. Heartened, he tried again, but could manage nothing more before the scientist plunged the needle into his arm. He felt numbness rapidly overtaking him as the presence in his mind receded a little, and Hojo hoisted him with his tentacles, dropping him into the recently-occupied tank.
Cloud choked on the Mako until his lungs adjusted, his struggles becoming more and more sluggish as the drug came into effect. This couldn’t be happening. The grimly shuttered look on Vincent’s face when Cloud had asked what had happened to him in Hojo’s clutches… His last thoughts before everything went black were that he had to escape somehow.
Vincent, Zack, Sephiroth — somebody, get me out!
---_---_---_---_---_ ---
“Specimen C continues to show no sign of A-cell activation. Tolerance of J-cells and Mako remains as projected. Subject appears unresponsive to Jenova advances, but does show signs of mental contact…”
Cloud did his best to turn out the sound of Hojo’s voice. It wasn’t as hard as it had been a few — weeks, months? he couldn’t tell — ago. The pain was a constant companion now, humming along his nerves like the strings an out-of-tune instrument. The smell and feel of Mako supporting his body in the tube, the dull blurred vision warped by the thick glass, the feel of Jenova sliding through his thoughts, occasionally forcing his body to move… it was almost becoming routine. Mind-numbingly so. Even paperwork would have been a welcome change of pace.
Vincent had rarely spoken of his time as Hojo’s test subject, and Cloud had assumed it was because of the pain, but the boredom was nearly as bad. He wished Vincent had been able to give him some tips on the mental exercises he’d used to keep himself sane during that time; the ones Vincent had taught him for use during a stakeout were growing old. Even a stakeout only lasted so long before something would change.
Cloud hadn’t taken to talking to Jenova yet, but in the worst moments he’d been tempted, he had to admit. Not worth the risk, he reminded himself again. It wasn’t like Jenova would tell him anything helpful to his situation or offer any aid that he wouldn’t come to regret asking for later. With what happened to Zack and Seph… To be used as they were — because he’d willingly opened himself up to her, even — was unthinkable.
“Today the subject receives a hallucinogenic compound to test mental defenses. The contents of this particular blend, believed to used by the Ancients, see citation in…”
Cloud instinctively tensed as the Mako discolored. He didn’t want to ingest whatever Hojo had given him, but he didn’t have a choice. His body overwhelmed his mind and he filled his lungs with the tainted green glow that had become his world.
A few seconds later, Cloud began to tremble. His vision blurred even more, and a splitting headache sent stabbing pain through the space behind his eyes. He felt as if his heart was going to burst. It wasn’t especially bad in comparison to some of the other treatments he’d suffered through, but some pain couldn’t be blocked, only endured. All he could do was hope it would end.
And suddenly, it did.
Cloud felt only a mild interest staring at the man twitching inside the Mako tube. His vitals were well within viable range for a SOLDIER, even accounting for the muscle loss resulting from five months without the customary aerobic exercise. He hoped this treatment would allow Jenova sufficient access to properly control the subject, rather than the inefficient movements that resulted from the subject’s awareness of and resistance to her, so that he could allow such exercise; even if Jenova managed to break or convert the subject, it would be useless in less than peak physical conviction… Well. In the meantime, perhaps additional infusions of J-cells would prove beneficial.
Blue eyes opened, and suddenly Cloud found himself meeting Hojo’s gaze through the thick glass. His body was already clearing itself of the drug; the side effects were ebbing.
What the hell had just happened? He had been looking at… himself. Cloud shuddered. The feelings, scraps of thoughts that had flitted through his mind during those few seconds had been so cold. He knew how to distance himself from a situation when necessary, but never to the extent he had just felt — as if the person floating in the Mako tube was somehow lesser, unimportant.
It wasn’t anything like him.
---_---_---_---_---_ ---
Cloud watched as the lights powered down on the equipment in the room next door. Soon it was dark except for the glow of the Mako in his tube. He wondered if he would ever know what true dark would be like again, or if he would die within this green prison. As it is, my night vision is likely to be shot to hell for a while, he reflected, closing his eyes. Forget seeing; it would be nice to breathe air for once! He had only gotten to a few times since Hojo had started these experiments. If Cloud was out of the tube, he was trying to escape, and so Hojo had quickly learned to sedate him.
The glass felt cool against his forehead. Cloud took a few minutes just to savor the feeling. Then he let everything go, to wander where he would and see what he could see.
It had taken him a while, but Cloud had finally come to understand what had happened to him during the incident with the hallucinogen. Somehow he had been seeing the world through Hojo’s eyes, literally. He disliked experiencing the scientist’s thoughts immensely, but at least it was a break from the monotony and pain. Hojo came up with more ways to make Cloud’s body ache than he had thought possible.
But when he had been… floating, for lack of a better term, not within his own body nor Hojo’s, he had felt some sense of kinship, an echo nearby. Maybe, Cloud had thought, if he tried he might be able to visit others with Jenova cells… not just Hojo, but other SOLDIERs — SOLDIERs like Zack or Sephiroth.
Determined, he mentally ‘threw’ himself out, drifting. He couldn’t see anything while he did. It felt like he was in a giant room with only a few lights. Reaching for the brightest, he felt an unsettling twist of his stomach, then found himself staring at the wall of a familiar elevator.
Cloud nearly cheered. He had done it! As he watched the scenery go by, he quickly realized he was in the SOLDIER barracks. The few glances Cloud got out of the corner of his eye confirmed he was ‘riding’ with Sephiroth. Very pleased, Cloud settled in, only to be assaulted by a weary sorrow. What was wrong? Surely nothing had happened to Zack…
Sephiroth opened the door to his darkened quarters. “Zack?” He placed the bag he was carrying in a chair.
“Don’t put that there!” If Cloud could have, he would have jumped in surprise; as it was, the unexpected interruption shook his hold enough to make him dizzy. It took him a minute to recognize Zack’s voice, the words slurred.
“Zack, what are you doing?” Cloud was wondering the same thing.
“Don’t put that there. That’s Cloud’s chair!”
Oh, for Odin’s sake, it was just a chair! Standard issue for an apartment of this size, no less. Cloud wanted to roll his eyes. “Zack…” From Sephiroth he felt a moment of incomprehension, then sad understanding. Underscoring it all was a surprising feeling: uncertainty. It wasn’t something Cloud associated with Sephiroth at all, and he found it downright unsettling. “…Ms. Gainsborough sent some dinner…”
“‘M not hungry.”
“I realize that, but you need to eat.” Cloud watched as Sephiroth hauled their mutual friend off the floor and then went to prepare their meal. Real food would do Zack good, Cloud could admit, but that wasn’t what he really needed right now.
It was all rather irritating. Dammit, he had been afraid this was going to happen. Zack was good at helping Sephiroth with his emotional issues, but Sephiroth, quite frankly, sucked at supporting Zack. Do I have to do everything myself?
Without thinking, he focused on Sephiroth’s hands, putting the silverware down, then imagined himself filling the body he rode in. Much to his delight, everything jumped into sharper focus, though he wrinkled Sephiroth’s nose at the smell of alcohol. Zack had been drinking, it seemed.
A few quick steps crossed the room, and he settled onto the couch. Taking a moment to fumblingly remove Sephiroth’s shoulder armor and set it aside, Cloud shifted Zack into Sephiroth’s arms, letting Zack’s head fall onto his shoulder. There. Much better.
But his work had a price. Already Cloud could feel himself fading from Sephiroth’s mind, exhaustion overtaking him. He wouldn’t be able to maintain his hold, but at least Zack should get what he needed now. Cloud let go, allowing himself to fall into his own body and sleep.
---_---_---_---_---_ ---
Cloud continued to visit Sephiroth often. With practice, he found he could also shadow Zack’s mind. Attempts with other SOLDIERs were not as successful; he could get at most a glimpse or two before losing the connection. Cloud rarely went so far as to take control of Sephiroth again, saving such drastic measures for when he had been frustrated with some social situation and unable to come up with a solution on his own. With Zack, on the other hand, it was much more difficult to slide into the ‘front seat,’ so to speak, although Cloud had much greater success ‘speaking’ to him on some subconscious level. He fed him useful information about Aeris and Tifa, about the other SOLDIERs he had worked with, things Zack later made good use of. It made Cloud pleased that he could still help his friends in some small way, even if they didn’t know it was him. He wished he would help them get over his ‘death,’ but that was beyond his ability.
Every so often a pang of guilt hit him when he considered his manipulations. He reasoned with himself, though, that, there was nothing else he could do for them, and anyway it was all things he would have done one way or another for them, though it probably would have come about through conversation instead. Besides, Vincent hadn’t taught him to be guilty for doing what was necessary — only for not doing what was necessary.
Cloud let go of Zack’s mind, his vision fading into darkness. They had been practicing with Tifa and Aeris, who were both doing well. There wasn’t anything in particular Zack needed him for at the moment, and Cloud was beginning to get a headache.
“You need to be more careful, young one. Test your boundaries cautiously, or you might destroy your mind.”
Cloud blinked, and suddenly the darkness shimmered. He found himself sitting in a tiny cottage at a small table. Outside, the land looked as if it was emerging from a long winter, greenery poking up through the snow. It was a familiar sight from home that made him unexpectedly long for his mother. He looked around, and was relieved the furniture and decor were unfamiliar — Jenova stuck with what he already knew in her manipulations. His eyes settled on a woman in kitchen area nearby. “…Aeris?”
“Not quite, Cloud Strife.” The woman turned and pushed her hair back over her shoulder, poured two cups of tea, and carried them over to the table. “My name is Ifalna.”
Cloud studied her as he accepted his mug of tea. She looked almost a twin to Aeris from behind, but her face bore some differences — she was clearly older, though not by much. “Are you… Aeris’s mother?”
Ifalna smiled. “Yes. Aeris said you were a smart one.” She took the seat across from Cloud. “I came to talk to you about a few things.”
“Because you’re an Ancient.” Cloud hadn’t spent so much time in Hojo’s head without learning a few things.
“That’s part of it, yes,” she allowed. “My daughter also thinks very highly of you, and so I took it upon myself to warn you that you’ve been endangering yourself with your travels.” Ifalna sipped her tea. “You’re young for a spirit-walker. Journeying so far from your body, as often and as long as you do, will cause your link to it to weaken. If you keep this up, there may come a time when you may not be able to return to it… and I can’t tell you what would happen in that case. You might become a ghost, unable to rest until sent to the Lifestream by someone who knew the rituals. You might find yourself pulled into the Lifestream itself. I suppose it’s possible you could even become what they call a Summon, though I daresay you’re a bit lacking in the semilegendary status department.” The tone was gently teasing at this last, but Ifalna’s face remained serious. ”In any case, you would no longer be ‘alive’ by anyone’s standards.”
Cloud didn’t point out that death would be a welcome alternative to his current existence. “‘Spirit-walker’?” he echoed. He’d rather discuss Ancient terminology than his possible demise.
“One who can leave his or her body. The ability manifests differently in each person. Right now, you only have the ability to visit those with Her touch.“ Cloud shivered at the emphasis, and his hostess nodded. “You’re right to worry. She is very powerful, and growing more so every day. Hojo is creating a powerful army of creatures warped by Her touch.”
“At the risk of sounding like a jerk, why tell me all this? Why not tell Aeris? It isn’t like I can do anything about it,” Cloud pointed out. He finally sipped his own tea. It had a pleasant herbal flavor, not too different from the blend his mother used to make during the winter months.
“Your battle is a different one. Jenova wishes to have a proper host to use when she moves to annihilate this planet, as she has so many others before. She would use Her Son, but—”
“Sephiroth is not her son!” Cloud snarled.
Ifalna gave him a long, inscrutable look. “Perhaps not,” she allowed, “but he does carry Her taint, as do you. As does your mutual friend. Stronger than any of the others.” Her gaze held Cloud’s, and he fought back another shiver. Her eyes seemed old, in a way that made him feel like a newborn chick… as if she was both Aeris’s mother and far more than that. Weren’t the Ancients supposed to speak for the Planet? “Regardless, She would use Sephiroth, but it seems that She has developed some sense of… attachment to him. She would rather have a vessel for Herself, and Sephiroth by Her side.”
“…me, you mean.”
“Indeed. Her taint runs stronger and deeper in you than in your friend, and only continues to spread.” Ifalna took one of Cloud’s hands. “Know that She cannot hold an empty body. She has tried to animate the dead many times, but never successfully. She will try to break you, to tempt you, to manipulate you; you must resist! As long as you do not give in, She will not be able to walk among us again, spreading disease and misfortune as She once did.”
“I was leaving partially to avoid her,” Cloud muttered.
“A concept not entirely without merit. You need to be careful, but the occasional journey should be safe enough.” Ifalna squeezed his hand. “We will teach you.”
“Teach me?” Cloud blinked. “But I’m not an Ancient.”
Ifalna laughed, a surprisingly soothing sound. Cloud felt himself relaxing. “In truth, we aren’t so different from humans. We were once one people who studied the Planet and Her gifts and how to live in harmony with nature. However, over time those with weaker gifts felt ostracized and left to form their own communities.” Her eyes turned sad. “During the War against the Crisis, the division became more evident. Those who had turned from our way of life did not feel compelled to fight Her as we did. In the end one of our wisest trapped Her within herself, fighting Her as long as she could, and the souls of our dead sealed both of them.” Ifalna shook her head. “The important thing is that all of humanity is related to the Cetra. Some are more in touch with our history, and others have abilities strong enough that they develop some rudimentary skill. You, Cloud, are now very much a child of two worlds; thanks to this scientist, you bear both the Calamity’s taint and the ability to use some of the Planet’s gifts, courtesy of the cells he took from me.“ She smiled wryly. ”It’s a strange combination, one I can’t guarantee won’t hurt you somehow before the end… but in some fashion, I suppose, it makes you the son I never had.”
“…I guess I really am like a brother to Aeris, then.”
Collecting their teacups, Ifalna chuckled. “In a way.” She rose. “Come out to the garden, and we’ll begin your first lesson. First, our people are called the Cetra, not the Ancients…”
---_---_---_---_---_ ---
Cloud ached all over. Hojo had come up with a new concoction that inhibited Cloud’s strength and movements but still allowed him to ‘observe pain reactions,’ and had tested it extensively today. I did not need to know what it felt like to have my leg broken that way, even if I did heal at ‘four times the average SOLDIER rate.’ He supposed he was glad he had no one to talk to; his voice was hoarse from screaming. Cloud tried not to feel ashamed. Everyone had a limit when it came to torture, Vincent had warned him. And if Hojo’s ‘scientific inquiries’ don’t count as torture, I don’t know what does.
Cloud did his best to calm himself. His lessons with Ifalna had been going well, even though he didn’t remember much of what was said there. Mostly it left impressions, a sense of what to do — or not do, such as talk to Jenova under any circumstance — with the occasional clear thought thrown in. One benefit of it all was that he was getting much better at reaching out to touch Zack and Sephiroth’s minds. It didn’t take nearly as long as it used to, and now he could sustain contact for a short amount of time, and then reestablish it later.
A good thing, too, since his contact just a little while ago had been at a… rather bad time. Cloud felt his cheeks burn with embarrassment. While he knew Zack and Sephiroth were involved, and seemed to be happy that way, and had tried to not make things uncomfortable for him, there were some things that others shouldn’t be privy to.
Had today been a better day he might have just called it quits for the night. However, he really could use the distraction, so he reached out and gently touched Zack’s mind, settling in once it became clear it was safe to do so. Zack had just turned off the light next to the bed, and said something to Sephiroth that Cloud missed, though he managed to catch the reply.
“I believe we’ve covered everything. Medical equipment is ready in your room, blackmail material to use on various subjects in order to keep their silence, Mrs. Dennett is working on counters for Mako poisoning, and—”
What in the world could Sephiroth be talking about? Had something gone wrong with the SOLDIERs? Were they in danger? Cloud listened more closely, settling in deeper.
“Not that. I mean, yeah, that’s good we’ve got all the details worked out, but I wanted to talk about our relationship. The three of us.” Which three? Cloud wondered. He felt an ache, almost as if his chest was hurting. He wanted Zack and Sephiroth to move on, of course, but he had selfishly hoped that no one would take his place in their lives. “We were really close — I mean, I saw Cloud in your office more than just about anyone else. But things are going to change. I don’t know what’s happened to Cloud these… almost three years, now, but I know we’ve changed. I’ve changed. Our relationship’s changed.”
They were talking about him! But… why would they? Didn’t they think he was dead? Could it be that they had figured out he was alive? Cloud hardly dared to hope after all this time, but maybe rescue wasn’t impossible after all.
Zack continued. “I don’t like to think about what Hojo has probably been doing to him. I don’t want to think about his mental stability. I really don’t like thinking about what else Vincent and the ladies could find.”
Meaning Vincent, and probably Aeris and Tifa are looking for me. Cloud could barely contain his excitement. Somehow, they had discovered he still lived. I'm going to go home!
“We’ll take it one day at a time, Zack. Sooner or later, Cloud will come back. And if he is not himself, I will take care of it.”
I won’t let that happen. I won’t give in to Jenova. I won’t. The Cetra had the ability to resist her, drawing on the power of the Planet and those who went before them. He might not be a Cetra by birth, but he would do everything in his power to keep that from happening.
“I will pray reverently it does not come to that.” Zack paused. Cloud could feel him mentally shifting gears. “So, I know this is kind of out of left field, but I was thinking about what I said the night before he di— was kidnapped. You know, about the three of us getting together for a night or two.”
Oh gods, not again. If he had ten gil for each time one of his friends had tried to discuss his ‘virgin' status, he'd be able to buy that Shiva summon he’d wanted for so long. …So, okay, he might be a bit old-fashioned in wanting more than a casual fling to release tension. He had long since admitted to himself that he found both Zack and Sephiroth attractive — being locked up in this sort of situation led to a lot of self-reflection — but if he was going to get involved with someone, he wanted more than sympathy sex. My sex life is not a topic for public discussion!
…All right, Sephiroth’s quarters didn’t count as public, but still.
“Considering all of the potential problems here,” said Sephiroth, eyebrows raised, “I must point out such a course of action isn’t particularly wise at this time.”
Understatement of the century there.
Zack snorted. “Well, yeah. I doubt Cloud’s gonna be up for any kind of physical activity, much less hot SOLDIER threesomes.” Cloud flushed, feeling Zack’s cheeks warm as well as he continued, “Who knows? This whole thing might turn him off sex for the rest of his life. Maybe… Maybe Hojo castrated him. He always had weird ideas about who should ‘breed’ and who shouldn’t.” Cloud fought the urge to cringe in horror. That wasn’t something to joke about! “Man, that would suck. He’d be stuck a virgin forever — maybe we should’ve jumped him that last night.”
Will you. Shut. Up. Zachary Sinclair! Cloud yelled, forgetting that Zack couldn’t understand him anyway. Keep your opinions to yourself! Just because I might kind of be into you guys doesn’t mean that I want you discussing me that way. And castrating me?! Just you wait, Zack. When I get my hands on you…. He wasn’t sure if he was more embarrassed or angry.
“Cloud?” Zack sat up straight. “Seph, can you feel that?”
Sephiroth nodded, much to Cloud’s surprise. He hadn’t known he could affect both of them at once. “Cloud. We know you’re here.”
Surprise turned into awkwardness and then outright embarrassment. He had never intended for his friends to know about his continued existence in their lives. The feeling was short-lived, however, when Zack spoke again.
“Thanks for your help, Cloud. We’ve appreciated it, even if it confused the hell out of us some days.” He paused “We know you’re alive. Vincent, Tifa, and Aeris are coming to look for you. I don’t know if you can, but see if you can get in contact with Aeris. She’s a Cetra, so she could probably talk to you, find out where you are or follow you back there. All right?”
Cloud wasn’t sure he’d be able do that — he was pretty sure he could only touch those with Jenova cells — but he would try. If not Aeris, maybe he could touch Vincent’s mind? He hadn’t been successful before, but he was getting better at this… More optimistic than he’d been in recent memory, Cloud loosened his grip on Zack’s mind, but caught his final words as he faded into the darkness, feeling them warm his soul.
“One way or another, we’re going to bring you home. Don’t you forget it.”
---_---_---_---_---_ ---
Over the next few weeks (as best as he could tell, anyway) Cloud continued to search for Aeris, Tifa, and Vincent. He managed to locate Aeris finally, but was unable to make contact. Attempts with Vincent also proved unsuccessful. He thought he might have gotten close to Chaos, but had lacked the strength to hang onto the tentative link. It took Cloud a significant amount of energy just to find their location. The trio appeared to be wandering the world at random, making it difficult to locate them in the first place. It seemed very bizarre to Cloud; he just couldn’t have envisioned Vincent meandering like a lost puppy.
Sighing, Cloud let himself settle back into his own skin, only to nearly have his head cut off by a large claw. He dropped to the floor and rolled, adjusting the sword in his hand. What in the world? He was out of the tank, armed and not restrained. What was Hojo thinking?
First things first: he had to deal with this dragon. At least it was the variety local to Nibelheim, and not one of the stranger ones rumored to exist. He glanced at the ceiling. Not high enough to jump on its back. That meant he’d better—
Get out of the way! Mother wants to do this!
Cloud felt himself thrust aside, his grip on the sword becoming clumsy. The world faded around him and he found himself face to face with a double of himself — one with green, cat-slit eyes. He was pinning Cloud to what looked like one of the practice room floors in the gyms back at ShinRa. “Who are you?”
“I’m going to help Mother. She wants to use our body. You should be happy.” The doppelgänger tightened his hold, pressing Cloud against the floor.
Cloud had a sinking feeling he knew what this was. He needed to leave a small portion of his soul behind on his body when he traveled to ensure that he would be able to return. While he was resisting Jenova as much as he could, it appeared that that fragment of his subconscious had succumbed. Shit.
He grappled with his double, trying to wrest control away from him, but Jenova’s puppet fought back with surprising strength, leaving them at a standstill. Cloud’s thoughts raced. He could try to kill the shadow, but he wasn’t sure what destroying part of his mind would do to him. One thing was certain, though: he couldn’t let him just run free, giving Jenova back-door access to his mind.
With a thought, Cloud shifted their surroundings until all of the windows and doors had vanished, leaving them inside an impenetrable room. As the last door faded away he heard the thud of his body hitting the ground, Jenova no longer able to use it as Cloud sealed his mind and soul away using the technique he had learned from Ifalna.
Materializing Shiranui in his hands, Cloud turned to his doppelgänger. He had to regain mastery of his mind, one way or another. He wouldn’t force any of the others to take him down. Jenova wouldn’t get him, not without a fight.
---_---_---_---_---_ ---
Cloud continued to patrol his subconscious daily, and his double continued to try to evade him. Cloud reluctantly admitted he was clever, which made his task even more difficult. Calling him something other than “double” would probably make thinking about him easier, but Cloud was worried about that. Naming something gave it power, and a sense of independence. He would prefer the errant portion of his mind to come back to him and just give up this nonsense.
He only got loose once before Cloud pulled him back under.
In between tracking and trapping, Cloud focused on training. Here, in his own mind, he could make anything look the way he wanted it. It was nice to at least pretend to be wielding a sword again.
He was halfway through his third attempt at the Omnislash when it hit him, driving him to his knees.
Aeris!
The entire Planet, the Lifestream screamed with her pain, with the urgency of the danger she was in. SAVE HER. SAVE HER. SAVE HER.
Cloud was moving before he even realized it, throwing open mental locks and fleeing his body. He searched, but Zack wasn’t close; it would have to be Sephiroth. Cloud settled into his mind and shoved his way into control, looking at the men around him. The Lifestream whispered, pointing out the materia. Thankfully the one he sought was an older SOLDIER, one he recognized from his own days in the organization. “Stallens!”
“Yes, sir?”
“You have a mastered Life, don’t you?”
“Ah, yes, sir, right here. I don’t have it equipped—”
No, but it was in his back pocket. And he was swift, even for a SOLDIER. “Head up to the science wing. They need you.”
…Cloud? Cloud nearly jumped out of Sephiroth’s skin as the other man’s voice, surprisingly strong and controlled, broke into his concentration. He felt his spirit trapped in Sephiroth’s will as his friend fought to keep him there. You’re safe — you’re back in Midgar. We rescued you from Hojo. You can wake up.
Noting the looks Sephiroth was getting, Cloud let go at the same time Sephiroth released him, and allowed himself to fall back towards his body. Was it safe? He might be out of Hojo’s hands, but with his own mind working against him…
The temptation, though, was too much to resist. He wanted to see his friends again so much it hurt. Before he realized it, he had opened his eyes, staring up at a nondescript ceiling — and quickly squinted, wincing at the brightness. He felt weak as a kitten, worse than he had since he’d gotten his first SOLDIER enhancements, and his throat was absolutely parched. He coughed.
“Cloud!”
It took Cloud a few tries to respond. “Arthur.” Ramuh, he sounded awful.
“Drink some water.” Arthur carefully supported him and lifted a glass to his lips. Cloud sipped dutifully, trying not to feel like an invalid. His body ached all over, but not nearly as bad as he thought it would. How long he had been back in Midgar?
“Sephiroth—”
“Everything’s pretty crazy right now.” Arthur allowed him to sit up, but was watching him like a hawk. Cloud couldn’t really blame him; the world wavered a bit as he moved. He really needed to get back into shape. “Zack’s out trying to track down something or other, but I’ll call Sephiroth later.” Arthur sat down and picked up a notebook. “Right now I need you to tell me exactly how you’re feeling, anything and everything. We need to try and figure out what you need to get back on your feet again.”
Joy. He might be out of Hojo’s hands, but it appeared he wasn’t going to be free of people tinkering with him just yet. Still, Cloud thought with a slight smile as he started answering Arthur’s questions, it was good to be home.
Genre: General/Drama
Pairings: ZackxSeph, OCxOC, Assorted Past
Rating: PG-13
Summary: "All he could do was hope it would end." Butterfly effect sidestory/interlude. Cloud's time in Hojo's care.
Disclaimer: Final Fantasy VII and all associated characters and symbols are the exclusive property of Square Enix and its associates. We’re just borrowing them for a while.
—dammit, he wasn’t even close—
Time slowed down.
They say that the in the face of a near-death experience one gains an entirely new perspective, that the adrenaline of such a situation allows for action and reaction faster than that which is normally humanly possible, even for a SOLDIER. For Cloud, his situation was outlined in perfect clarity within seconds:
One: He was falling towards the sea. There was no way, short of suddenly learning to fly, that he was going to be able to avoid hitting the water.
Two: The area around these cliffs had particularly dangerous rip tides. Zack had mentioned a boastful young boy he’d grown up with who was convinced he was the best swimmer in the world. He had indeed been very talented, but he’d still died trying to navigate these waters. Zack was quite a swimmer himself, but hadn’t made the same mistake — and hadn’t even seemed that eager to try it now with a SOLDIER’s edge. Considering Zack’s impulsive nature when it came to feats of daring-do, this spoke volumes about how dangerous this area was.
Three: Cloud couldn’t swim worth a damn.
Cloud dropped Shiranui and used his knife to slice through the straps of his armor. He might’ve had a chance, given his SOLDIER enhancements, but for the best outcome he couldn’t be weighed down. Off went his bangle and the materia it held, and his other weapons. He could regret it later, and hope they might somehow retrieve them. For now, he had to survive.
Despite his being prepared for it, the shock of hitting the water stunned Cloud for several precious seconds… during which something sinuous wrapped around his waist. What the…? He looked down to see a mottled tentacle which lifted him out of the water and reeled him into… a sleek-looking submarine?
Cloud tensed to attack the moment he was inside — but abruptly went limp, shoved to the back of his mind by a presence he didn’t recognize, but which could only be one thing. Jenova! He focused all of his energy on pushing it out of his mind, but pain erupted as she struck back. Have to do something… can’t let it end like this!
“Just keep him still,” came a voice as Hojo — how could he be in two places at once? — released his grip on Cloud, dropping him onto what seemed to be an examination table. “I can handle the rest.” Cloud could only watch in horror, trying to ignore the presence in his mind, as the scientist briskly stripped and bound him. Without another word, he opened a compartment containing two large Mako tubes, extracting a body from one of them with his new appendages.
Cloud stared into his own face, watching his double breathe. For one awful moment he thought it would open its eyes. It wasn’t like what he imagined looking into the face of sibling, or even a twin, would be; there was something terribly wrong with it, something that induced a sick feeling in his stomach. Horrified realization dawned as Hojo dressed the body in his clothing, taking care to place the dog-tags correctly. He’s going to dump that thing (a clone?) and everyone will think I’m dead!
How many other clones did Hojo have, waiting for kidnapping opportunities so he could throw pursuers off his trail? From this awkward angle he could tell there was something in the other tank, but not what it was. At least one more, then, probably, but who could it be? Sephiroth? Maybe, but Cloud somehow doubted it. Maybe Vincent, or Zack?
Hojo stepped away for a moment, returning with a hypodermic needle. Cloud resumed his attempts to struggle, and managed to flail a little. Heartened, he tried again, but could manage nothing more before the scientist plunged the needle into his arm. He felt numbness rapidly overtaking him as the presence in his mind receded a little, and Hojo hoisted him with his tentacles, dropping him into the recently-occupied tank.
Cloud choked on the Mako until his lungs adjusted, his struggles becoming more and more sluggish as the drug came into effect. This couldn’t be happening. The grimly shuttered look on Vincent’s face when Cloud had asked what had happened to him in Hojo’s clutches… His last thoughts before everything went black were that he had to escape somehow.
Vincent, Zack, Sephiroth — somebody, get me out!
---_---_---_---_---_ ---
“Specimen C continues to show no sign of A-cell activation. Tolerance of J-cells and Mako remains as projected. Subject appears unresponsive to Jenova advances, but does show signs of mental contact…”
Cloud did his best to turn out the sound of Hojo’s voice. It wasn’t as hard as it had been a few — weeks, months? he couldn’t tell — ago. The pain was a constant companion now, humming along his nerves like the strings an out-of-tune instrument. The smell and feel of Mako supporting his body in the tube, the dull blurred vision warped by the thick glass, the feel of Jenova sliding through his thoughts, occasionally forcing his body to move… it was almost becoming routine. Mind-numbingly so. Even paperwork would have been a welcome change of pace.
Vincent had rarely spoken of his time as Hojo’s test subject, and Cloud had assumed it was because of the pain, but the boredom was nearly as bad. He wished Vincent had been able to give him some tips on the mental exercises he’d used to keep himself sane during that time; the ones Vincent had taught him for use during a stakeout were growing old. Even a stakeout only lasted so long before something would change.
Cloud hadn’t taken to talking to Jenova yet, but in the worst moments he’d been tempted, he had to admit. Not worth the risk, he reminded himself again. It wasn’t like Jenova would tell him anything helpful to his situation or offer any aid that he wouldn’t come to regret asking for later. With what happened to Zack and Seph… To be used as they were — because he’d willingly opened himself up to her, even — was unthinkable.
“Today the subject receives a hallucinogenic compound to test mental defenses. The contents of this particular blend, believed to used by the Ancients, see citation in…”
Cloud instinctively tensed as the Mako discolored. He didn’t want to ingest whatever Hojo had given him, but he didn’t have a choice. His body overwhelmed his mind and he filled his lungs with the tainted green glow that had become his world.
A few seconds later, Cloud began to tremble. His vision blurred even more, and a splitting headache sent stabbing pain through the space behind his eyes. He felt as if his heart was going to burst. It wasn’t especially bad in comparison to some of the other treatments he’d suffered through, but some pain couldn’t be blocked, only endured. All he could do was hope it would end.
And suddenly, it did.
Cloud felt only a mild interest staring at the man twitching inside the Mako tube. His vitals were well within viable range for a SOLDIER, even accounting for the muscle loss resulting from five months without the customary aerobic exercise. He hoped this treatment would allow Jenova sufficient access to properly control the subject, rather than the inefficient movements that resulted from the subject’s awareness of and resistance to her, so that he could allow such exercise; even if Jenova managed to break or convert the subject, it would be useless in less than peak physical conviction… Well. In the meantime, perhaps additional infusions of J-cells would prove beneficial.
Blue eyes opened, and suddenly Cloud found himself meeting Hojo’s gaze through the thick glass. His body was already clearing itself of the drug; the side effects were ebbing.
What the hell had just happened? He had been looking at… himself. Cloud shuddered. The feelings, scraps of thoughts that had flitted through his mind during those few seconds had been so cold. He knew how to distance himself from a situation when necessary, but never to the extent he had just felt — as if the person floating in the Mako tube was somehow lesser, unimportant.
It wasn’t anything like him.
---_---_---_---_---_ ---
Cloud watched as the lights powered down on the equipment in the room next door. Soon it was dark except for the glow of the Mako in his tube. He wondered if he would ever know what true dark would be like again, or if he would die within this green prison. As it is, my night vision is likely to be shot to hell for a while, he reflected, closing his eyes. Forget seeing; it would be nice to breathe air for once! He had only gotten to a few times since Hojo had started these experiments. If Cloud was out of the tube, he was trying to escape, and so Hojo had quickly learned to sedate him.
The glass felt cool against his forehead. Cloud took a few minutes just to savor the feeling. Then he let everything go, to wander where he would and see what he could see.
It had taken him a while, but Cloud had finally come to understand what had happened to him during the incident with the hallucinogen. Somehow he had been seeing the world through Hojo’s eyes, literally. He disliked experiencing the scientist’s thoughts immensely, but at least it was a break from the monotony and pain. Hojo came up with more ways to make Cloud’s body ache than he had thought possible.
But when he had been… floating, for lack of a better term, not within his own body nor Hojo’s, he had felt some sense of kinship, an echo nearby. Maybe, Cloud had thought, if he tried he might be able to visit others with Jenova cells… not just Hojo, but other SOLDIERs — SOLDIERs like Zack or Sephiroth.
Determined, he mentally ‘threw’ himself out, drifting. He couldn’t see anything while he did. It felt like he was in a giant room with only a few lights. Reaching for the brightest, he felt an unsettling twist of his stomach, then found himself staring at the wall of a familiar elevator.
Cloud nearly cheered. He had done it! As he watched the scenery go by, he quickly realized he was in the SOLDIER barracks. The few glances Cloud got out of the corner of his eye confirmed he was ‘riding’ with Sephiroth. Very pleased, Cloud settled in, only to be assaulted by a weary sorrow. What was wrong? Surely nothing had happened to Zack…
Sephiroth opened the door to his darkened quarters. “Zack?” He placed the bag he was carrying in a chair.
“Don’t put that there!” If Cloud could have, he would have jumped in surprise; as it was, the unexpected interruption shook his hold enough to make him dizzy. It took him a minute to recognize Zack’s voice, the words slurred.
“Zack, what are you doing?” Cloud was wondering the same thing.
“Don’t put that there. That’s Cloud’s chair!”
Oh, for Odin’s sake, it was just a chair! Standard issue for an apartment of this size, no less. Cloud wanted to roll his eyes. “Zack…” From Sephiroth he felt a moment of incomprehension, then sad understanding. Underscoring it all was a surprising feeling: uncertainty. It wasn’t something Cloud associated with Sephiroth at all, and he found it downright unsettling. “…Ms. Gainsborough sent some dinner…”
“‘M not hungry.”
“I realize that, but you need to eat.” Cloud watched as Sephiroth hauled their mutual friend off the floor and then went to prepare their meal. Real food would do Zack good, Cloud could admit, but that wasn’t what he really needed right now.
It was all rather irritating. Dammit, he had been afraid this was going to happen. Zack was good at helping Sephiroth with his emotional issues, but Sephiroth, quite frankly, sucked at supporting Zack. Do I have to do everything myself?
Without thinking, he focused on Sephiroth’s hands, putting the silverware down, then imagined himself filling the body he rode in. Much to his delight, everything jumped into sharper focus, though he wrinkled Sephiroth’s nose at the smell of alcohol. Zack had been drinking, it seemed.
A few quick steps crossed the room, and he settled onto the couch. Taking a moment to fumblingly remove Sephiroth’s shoulder armor and set it aside, Cloud shifted Zack into Sephiroth’s arms, letting Zack’s head fall onto his shoulder. There. Much better.
But his work had a price. Already Cloud could feel himself fading from Sephiroth’s mind, exhaustion overtaking him. He wouldn’t be able to maintain his hold, but at least Zack should get what he needed now. Cloud let go, allowing himself to fall into his own body and sleep.
---_---_---_---_---_ ---
Cloud continued to visit Sephiroth often. With practice, he found he could also shadow Zack’s mind. Attempts with other SOLDIERs were not as successful; he could get at most a glimpse or two before losing the connection. Cloud rarely went so far as to take control of Sephiroth again, saving such drastic measures for when he had been frustrated with some social situation and unable to come up with a solution on his own. With Zack, on the other hand, it was much more difficult to slide into the ‘front seat,’ so to speak, although Cloud had much greater success ‘speaking’ to him on some subconscious level. He fed him useful information about Aeris and Tifa, about the other SOLDIERs he had worked with, things Zack later made good use of. It made Cloud pleased that he could still help his friends in some small way, even if they didn’t know it was him. He wished he would help them get over his ‘death,’ but that was beyond his ability.
Every so often a pang of guilt hit him when he considered his manipulations. He reasoned with himself, though, that, there was nothing else he could do for them, and anyway it was all things he would have done one way or another for them, though it probably would have come about through conversation instead. Besides, Vincent hadn’t taught him to be guilty for doing what was necessary — only for not doing what was necessary.
Cloud let go of Zack’s mind, his vision fading into darkness. They had been practicing with Tifa and Aeris, who were both doing well. There wasn’t anything in particular Zack needed him for at the moment, and Cloud was beginning to get a headache.
“You need to be more careful, young one. Test your boundaries cautiously, or you might destroy your mind.”
Cloud blinked, and suddenly the darkness shimmered. He found himself sitting in a tiny cottage at a small table. Outside, the land looked as if it was emerging from a long winter, greenery poking up through the snow. It was a familiar sight from home that made him unexpectedly long for his mother. He looked around, and was relieved the furniture and decor were unfamiliar — Jenova stuck with what he already knew in her manipulations. His eyes settled on a woman in kitchen area nearby. “…Aeris?”
“Not quite, Cloud Strife.” The woman turned and pushed her hair back over her shoulder, poured two cups of tea, and carried them over to the table. “My name is Ifalna.”
Cloud studied her as he accepted his mug of tea. She looked almost a twin to Aeris from behind, but her face bore some differences — she was clearly older, though not by much. “Are you… Aeris’s mother?”
Ifalna smiled. “Yes. Aeris said you were a smart one.” She took the seat across from Cloud. “I came to talk to you about a few things.”
“Because you’re an Ancient.” Cloud hadn’t spent so much time in Hojo’s head without learning a few things.
“That’s part of it, yes,” she allowed. “My daughter also thinks very highly of you, and so I took it upon myself to warn you that you’ve been endangering yourself with your travels.” Ifalna sipped her tea. “You’re young for a spirit-walker. Journeying so far from your body, as often and as long as you do, will cause your link to it to weaken. If you keep this up, there may come a time when you may not be able to return to it… and I can’t tell you what would happen in that case. You might become a ghost, unable to rest until sent to the Lifestream by someone who knew the rituals. You might find yourself pulled into the Lifestream itself. I suppose it’s possible you could even become what they call a Summon, though I daresay you’re a bit lacking in the semilegendary status department.” The tone was gently teasing at this last, but Ifalna’s face remained serious. ”In any case, you would no longer be ‘alive’ by anyone’s standards.”
Cloud didn’t point out that death would be a welcome alternative to his current existence. “‘Spirit-walker’?” he echoed. He’d rather discuss Ancient terminology than his possible demise.
“One who can leave his or her body. The ability manifests differently in each person. Right now, you only have the ability to visit those with Her touch.“ Cloud shivered at the emphasis, and his hostess nodded. “You’re right to worry. She is very powerful, and growing more so every day. Hojo is creating a powerful army of creatures warped by Her touch.”
“At the risk of sounding like a jerk, why tell me all this? Why not tell Aeris? It isn’t like I can do anything about it,” Cloud pointed out. He finally sipped his own tea. It had a pleasant herbal flavor, not too different from the blend his mother used to make during the winter months.
“Your battle is a different one. Jenova wishes to have a proper host to use when she moves to annihilate this planet, as she has so many others before. She would use Her Son, but—”
“Sephiroth is not her son!” Cloud snarled.
Ifalna gave him a long, inscrutable look. “Perhaps not,” she allowed, “but he does carry Her taint, as do you. As does your mutual friend. Stronger than any of the others.” Her gaze held Cloud’s, and he fought back another shiver. Her eyes seemed old, in a way that made him feel like a newborn chick… as if she was both Aeris’s mother and far more than that. Weren’t the Ancients supposed to speak for the Planet? “Regardless, She would use Sephiroth, but it seems that She has developed some sense of… attachment to him. She would rather have a vessel for Herself, and Sephiroth by Her side.”
“…me, you mean.”
“Indeed. Her taint runs stronger and deeper in you than in your friend, and only continues to spread.” Ifalna took one of Cloud’s hands. “Know that She cannot hold an empty body. She has tried to animate the dead many times, but never successfully. She will try to break you, to tempt you, to manipulate you; you must resist! As long as you do not give in, She will not be able to walk among us again, spreading disease and misfortune as She once did.”
“I was leaving partially to avoid her,” Cloud muttered.
“A concept not entirely without merit. You need to be careful, but the occasional journey should be safe enough.” Ifalna squeezed his hand. “We will teach you.”
“Teach me?” Cloud blinked. “But I’m not an Ancient.”
Ifalna laughed, a surprisingly soothing sound. Cloud felt himself relaxing. “In truth, we aren’t so different from humans. We were once one people who studied the Planet and Her gifts and how to live in harmony with nature. However, over time those with weaker gifts felt ostracized and left to form their own communities.” Her eyes turned sad. “During the War against the Crisis, the division became more evident. Those who had turned from our way of life did not feel compelled to fight Her as we did. In the end one of our wisest trapped Her within herself, fighting Her as long as she could, and the souls of our dead sealed both of them.” Ifalna shook her head. “The important thing is that all of humanity is related to the Cetra. Some are more in touch with our history, and others have abilities strong enough that they develop some rudimentary skill. You, Cloud, are now very much a child of two worlds; thanks to this scientist, you bear both the Calamity’s taint and the ability to use some of the Planet’s gifts, courtesy of the cells he took from me.“ She smiled wryly. ”It’s a strange combination, one I can’t guarantee won’t hurt you somehow before the end… but in some fashion, I suppose, it makes you the son I never had.”
“…I guess I really am like a brother to Aeris, then.”
Collecting their teacups, Ifalna chuckled. “In a way.” She rose. “Come out to the garden, and we’ll begin your first lesson. First, our people are called the Cetra, not the Ancients…”
---_---_---_---_---_ ---
Cloud ached all over. Hojo had come up with a new concoction that inhibited Cloud’s strength and movements but still allowed him to ‘observe pain reactions,’ and had tested it extensively today. I did not need to know what it felt like to have my leg broken that way, even if I did heal at ‘four times the average SOLDIER rate.’ He supposed he was glad he had no one to talk to; his voice was hoarse from screaming. Cloud tried not to feel ashamed. Everyone had a limit when it came to torture, Vincent had warned him. And if Hojo’s ‘scientific inquiries’ don’t count as torture, I don’t know what does.
Cloud did his best to calm himself. His lessons with Ifalna had been going well, even though he didn’t remember much of what was said there. Mostly it left impressions, a sense of what to do — or not do, such as talk to Jenova under any circumstance — with the occasional clear thought thrown in. One benefit of it all was that he was getting much better at reaching out to touch Zack and Sephiroth’s minds. It didn’t take nearly as long as it used to, and now he could sustain contact for a short amount of time, and then reestablish it later.
A good thing, too, since his contact just a little while ago had been at a… rather bad time. Cloud felt his cheeks burn with embarrassment. While he knew Zack and Sephiroth were involved, and seemed to be happy that way, and had tried to not make things uncomfortable for him, there were some things that others shouldn’t be privy to.
Had today been a better day he might have just called it quits for the night. However, he really could use the distraction, so he reached out and gently touched Zack’s mind, settling in once it became clear it was safe to do so. Zack had just turned off the light next to the bed, and said something to Sephiroth that Cloud missed, though he managed to catch the reply.
“I believe we’ve covered everything. Medical equipment is ready in your room, blackmail material to use on various subjects in order to keep their silence, Mrs. Dennett is working on counters for Mako poisoning, and—”
What in the world could Sephiroth be talking about? Had something gone wrong with the SOLDIERs? Were they in danger? Cloud listened more closely, settling in deeper.
“Not that. I mean, yeah, that’s good we’ve got all the details worked out, but I wanted to talk about our relationship. The three of us.” Which three? Cloud wondered. He felt an ache, almost as if his chest was hurting. He wanted Zack and Sephiroth to move on, of course, but he had selfishly hoped that no one would take his place in their lives. “We were really close — I mean, I saw Cloud in your office more than just about anyone else. But things are going to change. I don’t know what’s happened to Cloud these… almost three years, now, but I know we’ve changed. I’ve changed. Our relationship’s changed.”
They were talking about him! But… why would they? Didn’t they think he was dead? Could it be that they had figured out he was alive? Cloud hardly dared to hope after all this time, but maybe rescue wasn’t impossible after all.
Zack continued. “I don’t like to think about what Hojo has probably been doing to him. I don’t want to think about his mental stability. I really don’t like thinking about what else Vincent and the ladies could find.”
Meaning Vincent, and probably Aeris and Tifa are looking for me. Cloud could barely contain his excitement. Somehow, they had discovered he still lived. I'm going to go home!
“We’ll take it one day at a time, Zack. Sooner or later, Cloud will come back. And if he is not himself, I will take care of it.”
I won’t let that happen. I won’t give in to Jenova. I won’t. The Cetra had the ability to resist her, drawing on the power of the Planet and those who went before them. He might not be a Cetra by birth, but he would do everything in his power to keep that from happening.
“I will pray reverently it does not come to that.” Zack paused. Cloud could feel him mentally shifting gears. “So, I know this is kind of out of left field, but I was thinking about what I said the night before he di— was kidnapped. You know, about the three of us getting together for a night or two.”
Oh gods, not again. If he had ten gil for each time one of his friends had tried to discuss his ‘virgin' status, he'd be able to buy that Shiva summon he’d wanted for so long. …So, okay, he might be a bit old-fashioned in wanting more than a casual fling to release tension. He had long since admitted to himself that he found both Zack and Sephiroth attractive — being locked up in this sort of situation led to a lot of self-reflection — but if he was going to get involved with someone, he wanted more than sympathy sex. My sex life is not a topic for public discussion!
…All right, Sephiroth’s quarters didn’t count as public, but still.
“Considering all of the potential problems here,” said Sephiroth, eyebrows raised, “I must point out such a course of action isn’t particularly wise at this time.”
Understatement of the century there.
Zack snorted. “Well, yeah. I doubt Cloud’s gonna be up for any kind of physical activity, much less hot SOLDIER threesomes.” Cloud flushed, feeling Zack’s cheeks warm as well as he continued, “Who knows? This whole thing might turn him off sex for the rest of his life. Maybe… Maybe Hojo castrated him. He always had weird ideas about who should ‘breed’ and who shouldn’t.” Cloud fought the urge to cringe in horror. That wasn’t something to joke about! “Man, that would suck. He’d be stuck a virgin forever — maybe we should’ve jumped him that last night.”
Will you. Shut. Up. Zachary Sinclair! Cloud yelled, forgetting that Zack couldn’t understand him anyway. Keep your opinions to yourself! Just because I might kind of be into you guys doesn’t mean that I want you discussing me that way. And castrating me?! Just you wait, Zack. When I get my hands on you…. He wasn’t sure if he was more embarrassed or angry.
“Cloud?” Zack sat up straight. “Seph, can you feel that?”
Sephiroth nodded, much to Cloud’s surprise. He hadn’t known he could affect both of them at once. “Cloud. We know you’re here.”
Surprise turned into awkwardness and then outright embarrassment. He had never intended for his friends to know about his continued existence in their lives. The feeling was short-lived, however, when Zack spoke again.
“Thanks for your help, Cloud. We’ve appreciated it, even if it confused the hell out of us some days.” He paused “We know you’re alive. Vincent, Tifa, and Aeris are coming to look for you. I don’t know if you can, but see if you can get in contact with Aeris. She’s a Cetra, so she could probably talk to you, find out where you are or follow you back there. All right?”
Cloud wasn’t sure he’d be able do that — he was pretty sure he could only touch those with Jenova cells — but he would try. If not Aeris, maybe he could touch Vincent’s mind? He hadn’t been successful before, but he was getting better at this… More optimistic than he’d been in recent memory, Cloud loosened his grip on Zack’s mind, but caught his final words as he faded into the darkness, feeling them warm his soul.
“One way or another, we’re going to bring you home. Don’t you forget it.”
---_---_---_---_---_ ---
Over the next few weeks (as best as he could tell, anyway) Cloud continued to search for Aeris, Tifa, and Vincent. He managed to locate Aeris finally, but was unable to make contact. Attempts with Vincent also proved unsuccessful. He thought he might have gotten close to Chaos, but had lacked the strength to hang onto the tentative link. It took Cloud a significant amount of energy just to find their location. The trio appeared to be wandering the world at random, making it difficult to locate them in the first place. It seemed very bizarre to Cloud; he just couldn’t have envisioned Vincent meandering like a lost puppy.
Sighing, Cloud let himself settle back into his own skin, only to nearly have his head cut off by a large claw. He dropped to the floor and rolled, adjusting the sword in his hand. What in the world? He was out of the tank, armed and not restrained. What was Hojo thinking?
First things first: he had to deal with this dragon. At least it was the variety local to Nibelheim, and not one of the stranger ones rumored to exist. He glanced at the ceiling. Not high enough to jump on its back. That meant he’d better—
Get out of the way! Mother wants to do this!
Cloud felt himself thrust aside, his grip on the sword becoming clumsy. The world faded around him and he found himself face to face with a double of himself — one with green, cat-slit eyes. He was pinning Cloud to what looked like one of the practice room floors in the gyms back at ShinRa. “Who are you?”
“I’m going to help Mother. She wants to use our body. You should be happy.” The doppelgänger tightened his hold, pressing Cloud against the floor.
Cloud had a sinking feeling he knew what this was. He needed to leave a small portion of his soul behind on his body when he traveled to ensure that he would be able to return. While he was resisting Jenova as much as he could, it appeared that that fragment of his subconscious had succumbed. Shit.
He grappled with his double, trying to wrest control away from him, but Jenova’s puppet fought back with surprising strength, leaving them at a standstill. Cloud’s thoughts raced. He could try to kill the shadow, but he wasn’t sure what destroying part of his mind would do to him. One thing was certain, though: he couldn’t let him just run free, giving Jenova back-door access to his mind.
With a thought, Cloud shifted their surroundings until all of the windows and doors had vanished, leaving them inside an impenetrable room. As the last door faded away he heard the thud of his body hitting the ground, Jenova no longer able to use it as Cloud sealed his mind and soul away using the technique he had learned from Ifalna.
Materializing Shiranui in his hands, Cloud turned to his doppelgänger. He had to regain mastery of his mind, one way or another. He wouldn’t force any of the others to take him down. Jenova wouldn’t get him, not without a fight.
---_---_---_---_---_ ---
Cloud continued to patrol his subconscious daily, and his double continued to try to evade him. Cloud reluctantly admitted he was clever, which made his task even more difficult. Calling him something other than “double” would probably make thinking about him easier, but Cloud was worried about that. Naming something gave it power, and a sense of independence. He would prefer the errant portion of his mind to come back to him and just give up this nonsense.
He only got loose once before Cloud pulled him back under.
In between tracking and trapping, Cloud focused on training. Here, in his own mind, he could make anything look the way he wanted it. It was nice to at least pretend to be wielding a sword again.
He was halfway through his third attempt at the Omnislash when it hit him, driving him to his knees.
Aeris!
The entire Planet, the Lifestream screamed with her pain, with the urgency of the danger she was in. SAVE HER. SAVE HER. SAVE HER.
Cloud was moving before he even realized it, throwing open mental locks and fleeing his body. He searched, but Zack wasn’t close; it would have to be Sephiroth. Cloud settled into his mind and shoved his way into control, looking at the men around him. The Lifestream whispered, pointing out the materia. Thankfully the one he sought was an older SOLDIER, one he recognized from his own days in the organization. “Stallens!”
“Yes, sir?”
“You have a mastered Life, don’t you?”
“Ah, yes, sir, right here. I don’t have it equipped—”
No, but it was in his back pocket. And he was swift, even for a SOLDIER. “Head up to the science wing. They need you.”
…Cloud? Cloud nearly jumped out of Sephiroth’s skin as the other man’s voice, surprisingly strong and controlled, broke into his concentration. He felt his spirit trapped in Sephiroth’s will as his friend fought to keep him there. You’re safe — you’re back in Midgar. We rescued you from Hojo. You can wake up.
Noting the looks Sephiroth was getting, Cloud let go at the same time Sephiroth released him, and allowed himself to fall back towards his body. Was it safe? He might be out of Hojo’s hands, but with his own mind working against him…
The temptation, though, was too much to resist. He wanted to see his friends again so much it hurt. Before he realized it, he had opened his eyes, staring up at a nondescript ceiling — and quickly squinted, wincing at the brightness. He felt weak as a kitten, worse than he had since he’d gotten his first SOLDIER enhancements, and his throat was absolutely parched. He coughed.
“Cloud!”
It took Cloud a few tries to respond. “Arthur.” Ramuh, he sounded awful.
“Drink some water.” Arthur carefully supported him and lifted a glass to his lips. Cloud sipped dutifully, trying not to feel like an invalid. His body ached all over, but not nearly as bad as he thought it would. How long he had been back in Midgar?
“Sephiroth—”
“Everything’s pretty crazy right now.” Arthur allowed him to sit up, but was watching him like a hawk. Cloud couldn’t really blame him; the world wavered a bit as he moved. He really needed to get back into shape. “Zack’s out trying to track down something or other, but I’ll call Sephiroth later.” Arthur sat down and picked up a notebook. “Right now I need you to tell me exactly how you’re feeling, anything and everything. We need to try and figure out what you need to get back on your feet again.”
Joy. He might be out of Hojo’s hands, but it appeared he wasn’t going to be free of people tinkering with him just yet. Still, Cloud thought with a slight smile as he started answering Arthur’s questions, it was good to be home.